


Oh, Harry Boy

by Nope



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-06
Updated: 2005-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:55:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25786219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nope/pseuds/Nope
Summary: Dumbledore has his own methods of persuasion.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Harry Potter
Kudos: 3





	Oh, Harry Boy

Order business was, of course, vitally important, and so despite the lateness of the hour Remus dragged himself out of the armchair he'd been moping in and floo'ed to Hogsmeade, entering Hogwarts by means of the secret passage they'd assigned for just this purpose. He'd done this so often that he could walk it with his eyes closed, thinking about other things entirely, which is why it took him so long to notice the bright light escaping under the door to Dumbledore's office and the faint voices his werewolf enhanced ears could pick up.

Dumbledore was saying, "and that's why you have to fight him alone, using only a candycane for a wand."

"Yeah," said a voice so placidly dreamy that it actually took Remus to realise it was Harry speaking. "That sounds right. I'll totally do that."

"I'll have to hide in my reinforced bunker, of course, so as not to distract you."

"Oh, good, good plan," said Harry, lazily drawing out his vowels in a way Remus had only heard just after their third 'we're not involved, we're just sharing our mourning of Sirius' night of bed-breaking, room-destroying, quite-probably-illegal sex.

The 'ewww' inducingness of the conclusion he leapt to was swiftly drowned under the tidal wave of rage that turned the world red-tinged and sharpened his teeth into fangs. Growling deep into his throat, he crashed through the door into the office, yelling, "Harry! How could you?!"

Harry, who was fully dressed and had been leaning forward to take another hit off the pipe in Dumbledore's hands, froze, staring at Remus, skin pale and cheeks flushed, pupils so huge his eyes looked black. "Re-remus?"

Dumbledore, who was never surprised for long, sat back in his seat. "Ah, Remus. Good of you to join us."

"What--?" Remus frowned in confusion. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh god," moaned Harry, hiding his face in his hands, while Dumbledore waved the crack pipe in an 'isn't it obvious' manner.

"Albus! You bastard!"

"My dear Remus," sighed Albus, eyes twinkling merrily behind his glasses. "Do calm down. Here." He held out a small bowl. "Have a sherbet lemon. This can all be explained rationally."

So ingrained was the habit that Remus had actually reached for the bowl before, suddenly, Harry leapt to his feet, snatched from the old wizard's hands, and chucked at the wall.

"That's how he gets you!" he yelled. "Don't you see, Remus? That's how he gets you. He starts you on the small stuff. A lemon drop here. A fizzing whizbee there. Then Minerva's offering you her special biscuits, and Sprout's taking you on extra-credit trips to her secret corner of Greenhouse Three and before you know it, you're here, hitting the pipe and planning suicide by Dark Lord, the Junkie Who Lived!"

Dumbledore patted Harry's arm until Harry and Remus both glared at him, and then he shrugged and took his own hit off the pipe.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Harry wailed. "I'll pack my bags tomorrow."

"Why on Earth would you do that?" excalimed Remus, aghast.

Dumbledore giggled to himself. Harry absently kicked the headmaster in the shin. "Because I'm a crack-smoking fiend, Remus! You could never love an addict!"

"I could," said Remus. "I... I have a confession too, Harry. You know how I told you your father and Sirius and I got together to help me beat the wolf? Well, we were really talking about my heroin withdrawal pains."

Harry stared blankly at him. "W-what?"

"It's true. I could never hate you, Harry. You see... I'm an addict too."

"Oh, my god," cried Harry, bursting into tears. "This is so great!"

"I know," said Remus, similarly crying as he pulled Harry into a tight hug. "We can go to my monthly Addicts Anonymous meetings together now. No more secrets!"

"No more secrets," agreed Harry. "I love you, Remus!"

"I love you too, Harry!" cried Remus.

They kissed passionately while Dumbledore applauded and then suddenly yelped.

"...ow! Who kicked my shins?!"


End file.
